Where Should I Emigrate To?

I will have to emigrate. Very very soon it will no longer be possible to lead anything resembling a normal life in Germany. Last week, an 80-year old woman was raped and robbed on a Sunday at 11am after a church visit. In the centre of Düsseldorf, a once pleasant and affluent town where I spent several years working in an advertising agency, riding my bike, going for walks, coming home late...normal things one does. None of those things would now be possible in Merkel's Germany. And that isn't acceptable. But as that evil woman vowed to stick to her guns (so to speak) and indeed will next week be visiting Africa to sniff out more possible Deals (as we've learned to call them) with African leaders, I have no choice but to leave this once pleasant, but now doomed country.

So where should I go? Where can I go?

• Britain. The obvious choice. My second home. Yet last time I lived there, I had to leave after 1 year: The combination of atrocious weather, Fridya night culture, ropey infrastructure and manky food proved too much. Enormous administrative, personal and financial efforts had to made to remedy a wrong move. Dare I give it another chance? Still, the prospect of a new promising Tory government is a positive sign, the North has to be avoided ( I lived in Edinburgh last time) and a general gritting of teeth might do the trick. Odds: 6/10

• Hungary. The country I spent the most time in this year. Very sympathetic due to personal ties and the politics of PM Orbán which I wholeheartedly approve of. Affordable. Beautiful, historically interesting. But: Language problems, the near impossibility of finding a job there, low wages. And atmospherically, I often notice a certain ennui in people there, a tendency to be negative and find fault with everything, and a general lack of joie de vivre. Odds:4/10

• Holland. Probably the country I feel closest to outside (the old, pre-Merkel) Germany . Although I have the vocabulary of a 10-year old, due to spending my youth there I can sound Dutch.  I always get the frisson of coming home when I'm there. The smells, the weird food, the "Hoi" - it all feels comforting. Yet: Is it that much better than Germany when it comes to chaotic migration? And is the prospect of living in a politically divided, almost sectarian country any better than living with Merkel's constant "Nazi" slurs?  Odds: 6/10

• Switzerland. A country I have no ties with and know hardly at all. What I've heard about it hasn't exactly filled me with enthusiasm. Vigilante neighbours, high prices, strange forms of protestantism. Generally I'd say - too isolated, inward-looking, resentful and stuck in a decade we know little about. And yet: It's affluent, realatively safe, has good infrastructure and the prospects of finding a job there are better than in most other countries. Not a place I like, but as I say - it's grit your teeth time. Odds: 6.5/10 

Beggars can't be choosers. And it will be necessary to make a decision soon. The next German government will likely involve a loony left party AND  the nauseating, destructive Merkel. I hope not to be in Germany when that doubly whammy hits.

So what do you think? If you're German, do you have similar thoughts? If you live outside Germany, can you recommend a country I maybe haven't thought of yet? Let me know!