Berlin - Not For Me.

I have now been living in Berlin for almost a year, and its ugliness still hits me. Give or take the odd building like the Dom, and a few charming streets in Charlottenburg (one of which I'm fortunate enough to live in) the town with its vast stretches of indiscriminate housing, its brutal 4-lane quasi-Autobahns dissecting the city, its 1960s architecture (have you ever been to an area ironically called "Bellevue"?) is a masterclass in urban uninspiredness. Even the post-reunification architecture is horrible. I don't think I've ever seen quite such a visual imposition as the Potsdamer Platz. And that's is not to mention the creepy horror that was once East Berlin.

You will notice that I'm not a fan of Berlin. I live here because I have to. I've lived in many German towns and have never felt so "unwohl" as in Berlin. To all the thousands of people loving, coming here for their pilgrimage of cool, I have to say: Sorry, not for me.

So what is it I dislike apart from the ugliness? I do think towns (especially in highly regional Germany) have their own character and their own specifics not found anywhere else. So comparing it to other (West) German towns, I can, jus tas an example, say that I've never encountered such an unfriendly population, Hardly a day goes by where I'm not being told off for something (Being in the way, crossing the road when the traffic lights are on red etc etc) by a complete stranger. Berlin - a tolerant town? It is only tolerant of gypsy bands on the S-Bahn and people sleeping rough on the pavement. If you're an ordinary straight "normal" person, Berliners will hate you and resent you and will tell you all about it.

I also loathe the way the town is stuck in a (PR and real) permanent 1990s time warp. The"street art" for which read: Houses with brutal, ugly violent looking graffiti. The clubbing (does anybody still do that? As I have very few 16-year olds as friends there is no way of knowing.) Anyway who can afford to? Don't most people have a job? Not in Berlin evidently. And who would want to be told by some East German misfit with body-cover tattoos that No, you can't come in to our wonderful Berghain anyway? It's so non-Zeitgeist as not to be true and Zeitgeist issomething that Berlin is meant to be good at. 30 years out of date methinks. Or just a city PR agency unable to think of something new? More likely. And rather sad.

More recently, Berlin tried to bang the drum with street food, food trucks and restaurants. In my 11 months here I have never had a decent meal in any restaurant here. (I was recently in Stuttgart and amazed about the contrast). Berlin restaurants and Kneipen tend to offer low-quality cheap food, mainly catering for never to be seen again tourists. And don't get me started on the god-awful Currywurst. "Mit oder ohne Darm?" really says it all, especially where that disgusting concoction ought to be shoved. But that of course is a matter of taste...

Berlin is a mish-mash of horrible, grumpy and misanthropic indigenous people, trash tourists from European backwaters, and not much else. Charmless, ugly and permanently smelling of rubbish.

I will leave as soon as possible and move to one of the delightful towns of West Germany, Hamburg maybe, or Stuttgart, or München, or Düsseldorf....


NB: This post is not written from the  perspective of a British expat, but from a genuinly German one. And yes, that makes all the difference in the world.

How to Find a Job in Germany - 5 Tips

In my last post http://interculturalmusings.blogspot.de/2013/02/finding-job-in-germany.html I emphasized how difficult it is to come to Germany with the expectation of finding a job. Regulations, certificates, a pretty inflexible attitude, and intransparent selection criteria make applying for a job a decidedly laborious process. But then again, every country has its own arcane procedures and preferences when it comes to employment. At least nobody will ask you to do one of those excruciating Myers-Briggs type of tests.


So, how DO you go about finding a job in Germany?


1. Learn the language
However despotic this may sound - there is no way round it. If your German isn't fluent, you won't get a look-in. Fact. Pick up conversational German even before you arrive here, and hone your skills in your particular area of expertise. Practice speaking under pressure, as you will have to do so in the interviewing process. No good being all fluent at home with your partner, and sitting there like a lemon when the HR person gives you a grilling.


2.  Establish Leads
From your home country, when you already know you want to live and work in Germany, try and establish some leads. It's unlikely (if not impossible) that you will have secured a proper job offer, but make sure  you're at least in contact (e.g. via Social Media) with companies in your chosen field. Once in Germany, you can then refer back to your previous communication and build stronger ties. Make sure you spread those leads as wide as possible, as most of them might not result directly in a job offer. However,


3.Contacts are important in Germany
Sometimes knowing "somebody" will get you round that pesky need for the right certificate double-quick. So the more people you've already established contact with, the better. Even if your contacts aren't in a postition to leverage you into a position, you will pick up industry gossip, tips, and some insider information. Vacancies often get announced internally first, so if you have advance information, you can apply before the job even gets advertised. A definite bonus!


4. Take the initiative!
It is quite common in Germany to just write off to a company asking whether there is a job going in your specific field. Make it a proper application (including your detailed c.v. and as many photocopied "certificates" you can rustle up). German companies will keep those applications on file, and contact you  if and when a vacancy arises. And last, but not least:


5. Don't go to Berlin!
Unless you want to be an "artist", or a "Social Media Consultant"(in other words, unemployed) Berlin is not the best place in Germany for finding a job. In fact with an unemployment rate of 12 percent, (by far the highest in the country) it may well be the worst. There simply aren't enough companies in Berlin, and there are by far too many people. Unless you're after having a fun time on the dole, avoid the capital, and do some smart exploring instead. The south-west (Stuttgart area) and the south (Munich etc) are the hotspots for well-paid jobs. And don't worry: Germany is very de-centralised, so just because you're not living in Berlin doesn't mean you won't be having any fun!