Berlin - Not For Me.

I have now been living in Berlin for almost a year, and its ugliness still hits me. Give or take the odd building like the Dom, and a few charming streets in Charlottenburg (one of which I'm fortunate enough to live in) the town with its vast stretches of indiscriminate housing, its brutal 4-lane quasi-Autobahns dissecting the city, its 1960s architecture (have you ever been to an area ironically called "Bellevue"?) is a masterclass in urban uninspiredness. Even the post-reunification architecture is horrible. I don't think I've ever seen quite such a visual imposition as the Potsdamer Platz. And that's is not to mention the creepy horror that was once East Berlin.

You will notice that I'm not a fan of Berlin. I live here because I have to. I've lived in many German towns and have never felt so "unwohl" as in Berlin. To all the thousands of people loving, coming here for their pilgrimage of cool, I have to say: Sorry, not for me.

So what is it I dislike apart from the ugliness? I do think towns (especially in highly regional Germany) have their own character and their own specifics not found anywhere else. So comparing it to other (West) German towns, I can, jus tas an example, say that I've never encountered such an unfriendly population, Hardly a day goes by where I'm not being told off for something (Being in the way, crossing the road when the traffic lights are on red etc etc) by a complete stranger. Berlin - a tolerant town? It is only tolerant of gypsy bands on the S-Bahn and people sleeping rough on the pavement. If you're an ordinary straight "normal" person, Berliners will hate you and resent you and will tell you all about it.

I also loathe the way the town is stuck in a (PR and real) permanent 1990s time warp. The"street art" for which read: Houses with brutal, ugly violent looking graffiti. The clubbing (does anybody still do that? As I have very few 16-year olds as friends there is no way of knowing.) Anyway who can afford to? Don't most people have a job? Not in Berlin evidently. And who would want to be told by some East German misfit with body-cover tattoos that No, you can't come in to our wonderful Berghain anyway? It's so non-Zeitgeist as not to be true and Zeitgeist issomething that Berlin is meant to be good at. 30 years out of date methinks. Or just a city PR agency unable to think of something new? More likely. And rather sad.

More recently, Berlin tried to bang the drum with street food, food trucks and restaurants. In my 11 months here I have never had a decent meal in any restaurant here. (I was recently in Stuttgart and amazed about the contrast). Berlin restaurants and Kneipen tend to offer low-quality cheap food, mainly catering for never to be seen again tourists. And don't get me started on the god-awful Currywurst. "Mit oder ohne Darm?" really says it all, especially where that disgusting concoction ought to be shoved. But that of course is a matter of taste...

Berlin is a mish-mash of horrible, grumpy and misanthropic indigenous people, trash tourists from European backwaters, and not much else. Charmless, ugly and permanently smelling of rubbish.

I will leave as soon as possible and move to one of the delightful towns of West Germany, Hamburg maybe, or Stuttgart, or München, or Düsseldorf....


NB: This post is not written from the  perspective of a British expat, but from a genuinly German one. And yes, that makes all the difference in the world.

From Tourist to Resident - A Changing Perspective

It all started with a few Facebook photos a friend had posted from her recent trip to London. There were the usual double decker buses, the London Eye, and one from Trafalgar Square. Someone had written a comment: "You really captured the essence of the town!" Hmm, hang on I thought. Pigeons on Trafalgar Square are not the essence of London, surely? After all I'd lived in London for many years. So my perspective would by necessity be different from somenone who's spent a weekend there. Had gone to a pizza place, maybe a cocktail bar, stayed in a hotel, did a bit of shopping, and would have gone to "a show" (being American).

Don't get me wrong - I'm not making fun of that experience. And of course having been a tourist, i.e. visiting a town as often as you possibly can is vital when you plan to make your sojourn more permanent, and become a resident. I can safely say I know what I'm talking about. When I moved to Edinburgh I'd been there plenty of times. I'd even taken the trouble to visit in various seasons so as not to be surprised by the weather. I've always done careful research before I moved and finally settled somewhere. But it is impossible to anticipate what finally awaits you.

Just a few vital examples of things you neglect to find out at your peril:

• Public transport. Sure, as a visitor you're bound to take the occasional bus ride. But you're not dependent on it. If the wait's too long, you'll jump into a cab.

When I'd moved to Edinburgh the transport system was just about to collapse. Whole areas of town were cordoned off and buses rerouted.

• Rubbish collection. Staying in a hotel will not prepare you for the often (especially inItaly and the UK) totally chaotic and insufficient collection times in your new town.

I ended up doing daily trips to a totally overfull public rubbish collection point, due to mismangement and long-term strike action.

• Shopping. During your visit you won't have found out where there's a good place to buy potatoes or washing powder, simply because you don't needed any.

• Safety. Although tourists will probably be worried about their money belt and rucksack, when you live in a place, it's not pickpockets on open squares you will be worried about. Residential areas are mostly not the sort of places tourists visits.

In Edinburgh, I was very lucky to live in an area which was both quiet, safe and central - the Westend. An absolute godsend, as I hadn't known this beautiful quarter before I actually moved there.

These are just a few pointers that the impression you may get on holiday is not necessarily the "correct" one, and certainly one you will have to query many many times once you've moved to your new place.

Let me know of your own experience in that field!